We're here at Kings Island. For today's review, we're going to be going back in time and riding Son of Beast. Ok, now before I continue on with this review, I just want to say "I predicted Son of Beast's fate!!! GO ME!!!! =)" Basically, as soon as the accident in 2009, I immidietly predicted that Son of Beast would close, and it would be SBNO, becoming essentially like Flashback was at Six Flags Magic Mountain, before eventually getting demolished. People in the coaster enthusiast community would argue and bicker over Son of Beast's fate while it remained SBNO for years. Then, the park would eventually just tear it down and build something else in its place. And look what happened. Son of Beast was SBNO from 2009 to 2012, with people arguing for three years over what the fate of it would be. Then the park demolished it and put Banshee in its place. YEAH!!! I GOT IT PERFECTLY RIGHT!!! F*CK YEAH!!! The only thing that I predicted that has yet to happen is the park handing out peices of Son of Beast at a coaster enthusiast event. If that eventually happens, then my prediction will have come 100% true instead of just 99% true. Tell me again. Who's the badass who predicted this? =) If you're sad about missing some good news. You didn't miss much (other than a credit). Son of Beast was a peice of sh*t. YAY!!!!!!! =) Anyways, back to the review. I got in the cars, pulled down the lap bar, and away I went!!! After some straight track out of the station, we roll into our pre ride course. More good news, for a pre-lift first drop, this is actually pretty good. You actually gain a little speed through this pre lift section (Though I still give Hades the award for best prelift section). After that pre drop, we rise up a little before heading into a big long sweeping turn. While this is still pretty good for a prelift section, you'll be seeing big sweeping turns A LOT on this ride. Anywyays, now onto the lifthill. This is a big long lifthill that will really let you think about what ride you're on. Some more good news about Son of Beast. You could get a REALLY good view of Kings Island from Son of Beast. Though to steal this bit of glory that Son of Beast had, you can get an even better view of Kings Island from Drop Zone, and not to mention a MUCH MUCH better ride. However, I was actually thinking to myself "This is going to beat the living crap out of me." Yeah, I wasn't looking foreword to riding this ride. Eventually, you reach the top of the ride and go through the top of the lift hill stuff. This actually had a little speed to it and really made me say "Oh Sh*t." to myself. And not in a good way. And then, we came face to face with the final drop. Now I will say this. I liked Son of Beast's first drop. It was a very fun first drop on a wooden coaster. You simply flew down it and gained a TON of speed. It actually made me smile. So far, Son of Beast was actually a really fun ride. =) Bad news folks, it's all downhill from here. =( After that first drop, we rise up into a big hill. Not only is there no airtime or any forces, but this hill also turns you to the right, so you get a good SLAM to the side that makes you go OW!!!!!! We then blaze down the second drop, hoping for some real fun after that. What instead do we get? A bigass double helix. And that's pretty much it. Ok, it's not a helix. The technical term for it would be a rose bowl. But the main point is that this is BORING!!!!! It just spends like a minute ripping through this boring pointless element. And while I wouldn't exactly call Son of Beast a bad ride, it is certainly was a very uncomfortable ride. And for those of you sad that you can never experience Son of Beast, you can recreate the Son of Beast Experience with a few non household items. First off, you will need two people. After that, take a pick up truck to the middle of nowhere. First off, one person will need to drive the pick up truck while the other person gets the Son of Beast Experience. First off, take one of those foot massagers they have at carnivals and put it in the truck. You will be sitting on this to simulate the ass massage that Son of Beast gives you. Second thing, put a stereo in the pick up truck and sit in front of it. Then take the soundtrack of a Son of Beast POV, and play it really loud. And by really loud, I mean the volume they play music at at a concert, where the music is so damn loud that when you actually get up close to the speaker, you can literally feel the sound waves going through you physically and are feeling the music rather than hearing it, that's how loud you want to play the soundtrack of the Son of Beast POV. This will simulate not only the sound of Son of Beast, but also that weird feeling where you can literally feel the vibrations of the ride go through your chest. And finally, after you are sitting on the ass massager and blasting the Son of Beast POV Soundtrack so loud that you can feel it, have the driver floor the truck up to 70 mph and then start driving in circles. Congratulations. This is what it's like to ride Son of Beast. It may not count as a credit, but that's the Son of Beast experience all right (Please note, this is very dangerous and a very stupid idea. We at Incrediblecoasters do not recommend that anyone recreate the Son of Beast Experience. If you were actually planning on doing this, YOU'RE A F*CKING IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!). Anyways, after that, we hit the midcourse brakes. We then roll down another big drop and notice that something is missing. Yep. This is where the loop used to be. I really doubt that a loop could've saved this ride anyway, so meh. I didn't miss much. After that, we go through another freaking rose bowl. It's the Son of Beast Experience all over again. That is probably the most boring element you could ever find on any rollercoaster. After that second rosebowl of boredom, we go through another long sweeping turn. This leads us to a drop. YAY!!!! Something mildly fun!!!!! =) Only to have us rise up into the brake run. So yeah. This ride was a peice of sh*t. It wasn't really that rough. It just gave you an ass massage and sent vibrations through your chest. The real problem with Son of Beast is that this was the most boring layout any coaster could ever have!!! This isn't fun!!! It's just a constant rose bowl of boredom after another. I kept hearing, "If Intamin retracks it, it will be fun because it will be smooth." No. I'd just fall asleep on it since I wouldn't have the ass massage or chest vibrations to keep me awake. Overall, this ride sucked and will not be missed at Kings Island. Good Riddance Son of Beast.